What is Sex Therapy?

A lot of people become confused around the idea of therapy being associated with the idea of sex and sexuality. As a matter of fact, many experience discomfort around discussing sex in general due to the ongoing stigma connected to this topic. Like money and politics, sex has landed in the realm of uncomfortable and even potentially offensive topics to open up and talk about. So, when people think of sex therapy, there are often questions about what this even means. “Therapy about sex?” “Do you teach people how to have sex?” people ask (often times jokingly, but with genuine curiosity). And in a way, yes, we do. We don’t teach the mechanics of penetrative sex, as most of us learned this in sex education in school and most understand this piece. HOWEVER, we do focus on all other aspects of sex including pleasure, which is often not taught. We provide psychoeducation and reframe the narrative with clients that sex is only penetrative and/or oral sex, when sex is way more than that. The goal of sex is not only to reach orgasm, but to have a connecting experience with a partner(s). And, often times, couples struggle in this area.

You see, we are not taught how to understand our sexual wants, needs, and boundaries and this can show up in a sexual relationship. It is also common to experience a discrepancy in our mind-body connection making it challenging to be vulnerable with another person/people; and, this can be especially true if one has experienced any kind of sexual trauma. This is where sex therapy can come into play and be helpful. By creating a safe space, an individual or couple can learn to discuss sexual history, patterns, desires, and discrepancies. Couples can benefit from sex therapy by increasing communication skills on these tough topics as well as engage in exercises outside of sessions to learn and better understand their own body as their partner’s body and increase physical connection.

The most common presenting problems that show up in my office include lack of desire for physical intimacy and connection, difficulty reaching orgasm, decrease in physical attraction towards a partner(s), lack of mind-body connection and self-image issues, intrusive thoughts impacting sexual connection, sexual trauma impacting current relationship(s), erectile dysfunction, painful penetration, and uncontrollable behaviors around masturbation and sex. It is important to understand that sex is not a bad thing- it is a natural part of life and many of us at some point in life struggle in this area. Just like any other type therapy, as a sex therapist, I am hear to help you and guide you through this uncomfortable topic by creating comfort and a safe space, providing psychoeducation, and giving you the tools and resources needed to work the presenting concern(s) that you are currently experiencing.